


Introspection

by SkyLeaf



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Civil War Team Iron Man, Gen, Hypocrisy, Minor Character Death, Not Steve Friendly, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Sokovia Accords, as in very minor character death, not team Cap friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 16:24:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19727344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyLeaf/pseuds/SkyLeaf
Summary: The mission had been supposed to be Steve’s opportunity to regain everything he had lost after having been forced to flee to Wakanda, his chance to show the world that he was the true leader of the Avengers.However, as Steve found himself face to face with a team of self-proclaimed superheroes, their actions soon having fatal consequences, he could feel how everything, his dreams and visions for the future of the Avengers, gradually slipped away from him.





	Introspection

**Author's Note:**

> So, why am I writing this? Well, mostly because I still cannot believe that we are supposed to just forget the incident in Lagos and to think that the idea of superheroes not being able to interfere whenever they want to is completely unreasonable, but, honestly, part of it is also due to the fact that I liked Steve Rogers and was angry at how they made him act in the MCU.

They were not allowed to come along with the rest of the team when they headed out for a mission.

In the beginning, Steve had tried to think of excuses for them, how those who had remained with Tony and the new faces he had not recognised the first time he had returned to the Compound might have had some misguided impression of them, thinking that they would appreciate being able to rest for a moment after having spent almost five months in Wakanda. However, as the days passed without anyone ever coming to tell him when he could expect to get his next mission, Steve slowly began to lose patience and, with it, his willingness to believe in the good of the other Avengers. It was so obvious what they were doing, how they, despite how he and the rest of his team had done their best to show them that they did not resent them for having decided to play the hands of the government, were using every chance they could find to show how they still harboured some petty need for revenge, some need to show them that, even now, even after Steve had been forced to publicly denounce his own actions as having been wrong, they still relished the power the government had granted them, finding every excuse to not let them participate in the missions with the rest of them.

Which led to the second problem Steve had found himself facing after he had returned home: money—or rather, the lack of it.

For it seemed that along with all of the meaningless paperwork, all of the times Steve found himself forced to step up onto the stage and watch as Tony sunned in the admiration and attention of the people who had come to see them talk about their latest work, the Accords had also changed the way the Avengers operated on a financial level. Gone were the days where money was no longer a problem.

When Steve had first gone to Wakanda, he had been prepared for the temporary limitations T’Challa had placed on the amount they were allowed to spend, trying to maintain hope by reminding himself that it was only for a limited time, he just had to get through the months so that he could return home. And with how he could still remember how his mother had struggled to make ends meet, could still easily recall the ways she had always seemed to be able to stretch what little they had to the end of the week, even though she would frequently sigh when he got home with a new set of bruises painted down the side of his ribs, cutting back on the expenses had not really been that big of a problem for him.

But that had been back then when he had been able to calm himself by remembering how it was a necessary evil he would only have to live with until they could all return home again. Once he had got back to the Compound and was able to witness how Tony still threw his money at everything around him without regard for how he was the only one of them with the funds to not think about it, it got progressively harder for Steve to ignore the fundamental injustice of the new rules, how they were now supposed to register how many hours they had spent training, putting on a smile for the public, and participating in missions, only for someone to decide how much all of that was worth. They were heroes, and heroes did not require payment for their services, it was simply not the right thing to do.

Still, Steve supposed that it was to be expected that the government would now also try to put a price on the work they did, and with how nobody had seemed willing to openly declare themselves to take his side in the debate, he had decided to let it slide. Sooner or later, the public would demand justice, and he would be there when they did. But for now, fact was that the funds Natasha had somehow managed to secure for them were almost depleted, so although it pained Steve to see how the Avengers were now little more than a glorified group of policemen, he stayed quiet about his doubts when he finally got the Accords Council to give in and send him on a mission. Perhaps it was cowardly to stay silent, to let them bully him around, but right now, Steve could tell that he did not hold the same amount of power as he had once done, with the Accords Council almost seeming to enjoy it as they told him how the team would be led by Colonel James Rhodes. It did not matter, not when he had Natasha and Clint at his side. As soon as they were out in the field, away from all the red tape, Steve knew that they would show them who the real team leader was, whom the rest of the team trusted enough to follow when things turned ugly. But for the moment being, Steve put a good face on it and tried to ignore how it felt like he had become the dancing monkey again. They were doing it to save the world from another corrupt organisation, and for that, he would be able to swallow his pride for a moment.

And so, they arrived in Chicago in the morning. With how War Machine—for that was what they had to call him now, War Machine. Steve had had to hide a grin at the idea of how the others could not see how the government was trying to keep them apart, forcing them to use their codenames to refer to each other while on missions rather than their names, trying their best to destroy the camaraderie that had once been between them—had spent most of the time inside the cramped Quinjet, the government having quite clearly tried their best to give them the worst jet, telling them about the background for the mission, how they had tried to find out more about the people responsible for the chaos and panic that had erupted in the middle of the city and how the police were already there, trying to make people stay away from the area and attempting to rescue those trapped in the chaos, Steve all but ran out of the jet the moment it landed.

Did any of it really matter? The important thing was that they were there to try to stop and capture some guy who had tried to recreate the circumstances that had made Banner become the Hulk, having somehow managed to secure a bit of blood after the last time the Hulk had been on a mission, injecting himself with it in the hope of it somehow giving him superpowers, only for it to somehow affect him in a way he had not expected, making him lose control and wreak havoc in the central part of Chicago. Everything after that had just been meaningless noise, all bureaucratic nonsense, talking about how they were supposed to act and behave. Steve already knew what his mission was, save the civilians, stop the guy, and save the day. Really, anyone who had even a little bit of empathy for his fellow man would be able to realise how that was what their priorities should be, they did not need some guy in a suit who could barely tell him the number of people trapped in the buildings inside the danger zone without sounding like he was about to cry to explain that to them.

“Captain Rogers!” Rhodes’ voice echoed inside his helmet. “Remember the plan! You are not supposed to confront him since that will only serve to make him angrier and stronger! Go west and try to enter the buildings to save the civilians—the police should have cleared a path for them, all you need to do is to shield them from the possibility of an attack.”

Grinding his teeth, Steve tried to gauge whether turning off the communication unit would be worth how the Accords Council would no doubt welcome it as an opportunity to bench him again. In the end, he arrived at the conclusion that, while it would no doubt be best for the people trapped in the buildings if he stood up to the bullies now, in the long run, it was better for him to know that he would get the opportunity to come with the rest of the team on missions in the future as well, so, rather than turning off the transmitter, Steve made sure to keep his voice as calm as he could when he answered. “With all due respect, would it not be safer and more efficient to simply restrain him?” he said, trying to ignore how he could practically feel his younger self wincing at the idea of giving in to bullies this easily.

“We are going to restrain him. That was what I told you when I explained the plan and the information we have received from the headquarters. Black Widow and I will go in and try to limit the damage he can do by keeping him within a controlled area, while you and Hawkeye rescue the civilians and lead them away from the area.”

As much as Steve was trying to remain patient, reminding himself of how Rhodes had been through a lot, being shot down by someone from his own team, he could not ignore the sharp edge to his words, the way Rhodes almost spoke like he was talking to a petulant child and not the leader of the Avengers. Still, now was not the moment to discuss it, not when there were people depending on Steve making the Avengers see reason, so, while he made sure to make a mental note to submit a complaint about the lack of respect to the Accords Council, he let it slide, for the moment. It was simply no use to waste time on trying to make him understand how they had to act now if they wanted to save everyone.

So, feeling how Rhodes followed his path for far longer than what Steve felt was needed, he ran towards the barricade that marked the entrance to the danger zone, jumping over it with a sense of agility that not even months of hiding in Wakanda had been able to take away from him. They would thank him later, Steve knew that. When the day was over, he would have shown them that he was right, how they had willingly allowed the government to control them, endangering the lives of the people around them. Already, Steve could almost picture the way Tony would shake his head, unable to hide the guilty look in his eyes as he would admit that he had been wrong to doubt him, how he had been wrong when he had played into the hands of the government.

The mental image almost seemed to give him a newfound sense of lightness, the familiar feeling of pushing himself to the limit finally allowing him to think clearly after all of the months where he had been unable to leave the palace in Wakanda, unable to go out to help those who needed him.

“Black Widow,” he called into the communicator, knowing all too well how calling her by her real name would only serve to make Rhodes notice how the Accords Council had still not managed to break him and make him abandon his search for justice, “do you hear me?”

“Yes” the answer came, short and without a hint of feeling, and for a second, it was almost enough to make Steve hesitate, the fear that perhaps Nat had not been as strong as he had assumed she would be curling up into a little, tight knot in his stomach. But he soon managed to dispel it, reminding himself of how he had explained his idea to her only days before and how she had sent him that long gaze he knew all too well when she had left the room, telling him that she would think about it. Although most of the new Avengers might still avoid him in the corridors, all conversations coming to a halt when he would enter the room, Steve knew that Natasha would remain loyal.

However, loyalty or not, Steve still had to figure out how he would be able to communicate with her and Clint, how to tell them where to be and what to do without Rhodes overhearing the conversation. For while Steve would once have trusted the man, admiring him for his military career, the time he had involuntarily spent in Wakanda had opened his eyes to how Rhodes had always and would always side with Tony, how he would no doubt try to interfere if he heard about their plans.

In the end, Steve decided that the best thing he could do was to mask his real plan by pretending to be in another place and then simply hope that it would be enough for Nat and Clint to understand him. “I can see a building in front of me,” he yelled, sprinting through the streets, following the trail of destroyed cars and damaged buildings the guy had left in his wake, “I think he was there a minute ago.”

Before any of them would have got the chance to answer, Rhodes interrupted, and only reminding himself of the time he had been forced to stand on a stage dressed as a dancing monkey gave Steve the strength not to tell him to stay out of it. “Okay, go in and see if there is anyone in immediate need of help. Once you have made sure that there are no one left in the building, lead those who are able to walk on their own out of the back door and make your way back through the southern side until they are out of the danger zone.”

“May I request backup from Black Widow?” Steve asked, already longing for the days where he had not been forced to ask like this, to beg for the help he would need to save everyone.

“No. Black Widow and I are already trying to locate the person responsible, so we will not be able to aid you and with Hawkeye being responsible for the other half of the buildings, you are on your own right now.”

Hearing the dismissive tone in Rhodes’ remark and the way Natasha clearly did not dare to attempt to answer him, Steve gave up. Once, a long time ago, he knew that Natasha would simply have hacked their communication units, made it so that she could talk to him and Clint without Rhodes hearing, but now, Steve knew that she would not dare to take the risk. And while part of him could not help but wonder when Natasha had become so cowardly, it was not like he could not understand her fear of how the Accords Council were no doubt looking for any excuse to kick them off the team. So, quietly accepting the fact that he would not be able to count on the help of his friends, Steve followed the trail of destruction on his own.

It did not take long for him to find the guy who had seemingly decided to play around with things he did not understand. Really, as Steve looked around at the chaos around him, the flames that were still licking along the sides of the cars, he could almost not understand why Rhodes and Natasha had still not been able to find him.

But he would not begin to question his luck, so rather than wasting his time wondering when the Avengers had become so incompetent, Steve ducked behind a car, feeling how the adrenaline made his senses sharper, made the world feel more real as he slowly leant to the side to see how the monstrous copy of the Hulk stood only a few blocks away from him. From how he still had his back turned towards him, Steve could tell that he had the element of surprise on his side, and with how he could see the faces of the scared civilians hiding inside the buildings around him, their eyes following his movements, he knew that he would not have to worry about them not knowing exactly who had saved them.

Moving slowly, quietly, Steve readied his shield, aiming it at the spot between the monster’s spine and neck.

However, before Steve was able to let his shield fly through the air and finish the mission, the sound of a plane above his head caught his attention. Looking up and trying to use his hand to block out the sunlight, Steve could see the underside of a jet, sleek and streamlined, and yet not bearing the familiar mark of the Avengers.

Vaguely aware of how the monster had looked up at the sky as well, Steve tried to go over the possible explanations for the sudden appearance of the jet. Perhaps the Accords Council had finally realised that they would need more help if they wanted to be able to contain the monster and had sent more Avengers to help them. In that case, Steve could only hope that they had sent someone who was still loyal to him, for he doubted he would be able to both save the city and try not to allow the taunts of that Jessica Jones to get to him. But still, with how the Accords Council seemed unwilling to do anything without first having to spend days discussing every little thing about the mission, Steve doubted that they had finally seen reason and decided to send someone to help them. That left only one other explanation, that this was someone else entirely, someone Steve did not know, someone who had decided to play the hero and interfere with things that did not concern them.

As he stood there, trying to decide what to do, Steve saw how the jet opened, allowing five figures to jump out of the plane. The sight of how they did not need parachutes, simply flying through the air confirmed what Steve had known deep down from the moment he had first spotted the jet, that these were people with powers. But with their jet lacking the familiar A of the Avengers, he knew how they could not be with him. No, these were people who had no right to interfere with the mission and so, Steve would make sure that they would not get the chance to.

Already running towards where he could see one of them land, a tall man dressed entirely in various shades of blue having seemingly carried one of the women whom Steve supposed had not actually been able to fly, instead having to count on her teammates helping her, Steve heard the slight hint of confusion in Natasha’s voice as she finally seemed to have gathered the courage to speak to him. “Captain Rogers, what are you doing? Why do your coordinates show that you are moving away from the building you were supposed to evacuate?”

“I am sorry, Nat,” Steve said, for once ignoring how he could practically feel the rebuke he would get from Rhodes later for having dared to use her name, “but it seems that we are not alone here anymore.”

The silence that followed his message was deafening, but of course Rhodes could not simply trust him to handle it, instead cutting in. “Can you explain that to us?”

“Yes.” as he slowly crept closer to the group, remaining hidden behind the cars, Steve could hear how they yelled orders to each other, but even though he could hear what they were saying, recognising enough words to realise that they were speaking Russian, he could not figure out what exactly the words meant or what their plan seemed to be other than it involving three of them running towards the monster, the fourth attacking from above, while the fifth member of the group, the woman Steve had seen being carried to the ground, seemingly remained in the background, yelling something at the others as they narrowly avoided being hit by the car the monster threw at them. “I can see five people, seemingly all having powers, but I cannot understand what they are saying.”

“Why not?”

“They are speaking Russian.”

Rhodes was silent for a moment, almost enough to give Steve hope that he would be allowed to handle this on his own, but, of course, he was not that lucky, and the next second, Rhodes’ voice filled his helmet again. “Okay, there has been a change of plans. Black Widow, can you go to Captain Rogers’ location and try to figure out what we should do?”

“Of course. I will be there in just a moment.”

A sense of relief he had not felt in months flooded Steve. Finally. They had finally realised that the best course of action was not to attempt to keep him stuck, wrapping red tape around them, but to instead trust his judgement. As he risked another glance at the group, Steve could almost see how he and Natasha would be able to work together to both restrain the copy of the Hulk and show this new group that they could not interfere, to simply jump out of a jet and think that they could begin to throw around with things in the city. For that was what they were doing, and Steve watched from his spot behind a car as the man who had carried the woman down to the ground lifted up a car, hurling it directly towards the monster, only for it to merely brush it aside with a little wave, barely responding to the attack as it was already busy with the three other members of the team who sprinted around him, one of them seeming to shoot some kind of energy at him, blue lighting shooting from her hands as she avoided being hit with a car.

“Are they the ones?” Natasha appeared next to him, having seemingly managed to sneak up to him while making so little noise that she might as well have appeared out of thin air.

She did not give him a chance to answer her question, but Steve did also suppose that there was little doubt about whom exactly he had referred to given how the group in front of them where the only other people in the street apart from himself, Natasha, and then, of course, the Hulk-like being, so he simply looked at her as she crouched down next to him, taking in the sight in front of them for a second before she turned towards him.

“Okay, from what I can hear from over here, they are trying to capture the same guy we are after—I don’t know how they found out about him, but it seems that they somehow received information about this attack in time to fly over here today…” Natasha frowned, an almost disbelieving expression appearing on her face as she slowly continued, “apparently, they are from Russia, which means that they must have a really good way to find information for we barely had time to organise our mission in time.” casting another glance in the direction of the group, Steve could see from the way she was nodding to herself that it would be wisest not to interrupt her, and as she looked back at him again, he could tell that he had been right when she pointed towards the woman who had now moved to stand on top of another car, her movements almost blurring in front of his eyes, making it so that, had it not been for how Steve was watching them all intensely, he might have assumed that she had teleported. “From what I can hear, she is their leader, or at least she is the one giving the orders right now.”

“Oh,” Steve said, trying to hide his surprise. Of course now that Natasha had told him, he could see how the rest of the group did seem to follow her gestures, looking towards her from time to time, but he had not considered that she might be the leader of the group, perhaps because being carried to the ground by another member of her team was not exactly the dignified entrance, the moment to show the group that there was hope, Steve would have made if he had been in her place. Still, he supposed that it did not matter right then, what was important was how he could see that their attempts at subduing the monster was only angering it, making the attacks it levelled at them grow more and more violent, the cars flying through the air, narrowly missing their targets to instead continue their path, only stopping as they hit the buildings around them, so he simply nodded at Nat before adding, “I will go to talk with her then.”

But he had not even gone to stand up before Natasha had grabbed his hand, dragging him back down next to her. Shooting him a look so cold that, for a second, it felt like he was back in the sinking plane, feeling the water rise in the cabin around him, she hissed at him. “Wait! You don’t know what you are doing, you can’t just barge in and try to talk with them, not when he,” she gestured towards where the poor imitation of the Hulk had just punched a taxi, slamming the car directly into the side of the building next to him, making the wall crack as little pieces of bricks and mortar rained down, “is still there, you will risk making this situation even worse than what they have already done.”

As Steve glanced back towards the new group and saw how they were still running around, trying their best to avoid the attacks, but with the panicked expression he managed to catch the man on the right send towards the woman on top of the car betraying the idea of a team swooping in from the sky, ready to save the city, they were clearly trying to portray to instead reveal how they were not prepared for the sheer power that rested in the faulty recreation of the Hulk that the man they were fighting had tried to make, he could not help but wonder how the situation could possibly become any worse. Already, he had had to plan how he would show them all that he was still the one in control in secret, having to sneak back to where he knew he would be able to help the most like he was some criminal who could not be trusted to save the day, only for an unknown jet to arrive with a team that did not have any right to be there and to interfere with the mission.

Glancing back at Natasha and seeing how a faint crease had appeared between her eyebrows as she continued to listen to the panicked yells that echoed through the street, Steve made his decision, quickly shoving Nat’s hand away from his wrist. “I am sorry,” he called back towards her, having already halfway jumped over the car, “but I cannot allow them to destroy the city!”

Behind him, he could hear Natasha yell at him, no doubt telling him to come back, to hide with her and make sure that the Accords Council would not get a chance to try to punish them again for their attempts at saving as many people as they could, but right then, Steve knew that he could not allow the fear to control him. He was out here, in the middle of a battle, and while the people who sat around the table in the meetings might like to pretend that they knew what it meant, they would ultimately never be able to understand what sacrifice and fear meant until they had experienced it for themselves.

With the power of the serum flowing through his veins, it barely took him a moment to reach the car where the woman Natasha had pointed out as the leader of the group was still standing, having her back turned towards him and seemingly so occupied with trying to both warn her teammates in time when the monster would throw yet another car through the air and at the same time clearly waiting for her moment to move closer, to attack, to arrive that she did not notice it as he climbed up onto the car as well.

Trying to ignore how he could still hear how his mother had told him not to start another fight after he had returned home with the side of his ribcage having been painted a sickening shade of blue all the way to his waist, Steve lifted his shield, ready to attack. But the moment before he would have swung it around, he felt a sudden gust of wind hit him. After that, everything happening so quickly that it was not until he was lying with his back pressed against the roof of the car and with some kind of weapon, not unlike the repulsors Tony had once shown him, demonstrating how they were able to turn solid cement into a pile of ash, aimed at his head, that he realised what had happened.

She had attacked him. Using the same kind of speed and agility that had once allowed Wanda’s brother to surprise them all, she had turned around the moment he had been about to strike, and, with a few punches towards his stomach before finally pressing against his shoulder, placing her full weight behind her, managed to catch him off guard, leading to her now standing above him, aiming her weapons directly at his face, like he was the one to have appeared out of nowhere to run around in a city, pretending to be heroes despite not having any rights to be there.

However, the next second, Steve could see the surprise written across her face as she looked down at him, her mouth forming a little ‘o’ as she lowered the repulsors again before extending her hand towards him.

“Captain America!” she exclaimed, and although Steve did not let his guard down for even a moment, reminding himself of how this woman along with the rest of her team had just endangered the entire city with their interference, he would have lied if he tried to claim that it did not feel nice to see someone finally use his full superhero title to address him, rather than simply using his last name or allowing their tone of voice to tell him exactly what they thought of the title he had insisted on keeping, especially as she continued, a great deal of respect shining through, both in her voice and on her face, as she only then seemed to realise whom she had attacked. “I am so sorry, I thought that you might have been another attacker!”

Knocking her hand and the insult the idea of him needing her help was aside, Steve pushed himself back up, standing so that he towered above her as he levelled an icy glare at her. “I assume that you are the leader of this…” he let the sentence trail off as they both glanced towards the fight and saw how the same man who had helped her down from the jet had to fly over to help one of the other members of the team, narrowly managing to wrap his arms around the second man and fly back up into the sky before the monster would have hit them with the car it swung above his head.

Despite how he had tried to let his tone of voice show her exactly what he thought about how she and her team had made an already tense situation even worse by thinking that they could simply interfere, the woman straightened her back a bit as she answered him. “Yes, I am the leader of my team.”

In that moment, Steve almost thought he could hear an echo of Peggy in her voice, see how she, for a fraction of a second, managed to emit the same kind of silent authority as she quickly turned to shot a ray of energy at the monster, barely keeping it from hitting the other woman on the team. But he forced himself to shake his head and forget about it. Peggy had been meant to be there, she had got permission when she had arrived, only to punch a disrespectful recruit in the face, wearing the same kind of determined look he could now see reflected on this woman’s face. This team, however, had not got any kind of permission to come here to mess up the mission Steve had so carefully planned, and so, Steve did not let any passing resemblance to Peggy make him lose focus.

“You are not allowed to be here. Tell your team to leave immediately and that they will never be allowed to return again.” Steve let his voice drop, trying his best to adopt the same kind of threatening stance that had always seemed to make people back away from him, but, while he did see a hint of fear pass over the woman’s face, for the most part, she simply shot him a confused look, like she could not quite believe what he was saying.

“But we are here to help!” she protested, motioning towards first herself and then the rest of the team. “I thought that you would be proud and grateful to receive backup, I mean, I have read the articles about you, you always spoke out in favour of making the choice to save the little guy instead of giving in to bullies. We came here to help you; you always said not to let the government make the choice for you, to do the right thing and to save those around you—you are my hero!”

The last word was almost yelled, coated with so much desperation and betrayal, the look on her face, the way her eyes shone bright with anger for a heartbeat, making her look just like Peggy had done before she had punched the man at Camp Lehigh, and the sheer shock of it all made Steve take a single, involuntarily step back, only managing to stop himself a moment before he would have fallen off the car. With thoughts swirling in his head, disgust at how she dared to turn his own words against him, if she really was such a fan, she should have known that he had never meant for anyone to come here and interfere with his work, anger at the way she seemed to act as if she could claim the moral high ground, and disappointment that this was the kind of people who seemed to idolise him, these people who seemed to barely be older than children. In that moment, the mental image of the people who had come to talk with Tony after almost every public appearance appeared in his mind. Back then, Steve had been annoyed that Tony did not seem to notice how they were all simply pretending to laugh at his jokes, seemingly to be in his good books, but now, he could not help but wish that it had been that kind of fans he would have found out there. At least they would have been easier to make go back inside, Steve knew that from the way he had seen Tony make the people leave him alone again simply by making a subtle nod towards the door behind them before simply pushing through the crowds.

Still, it would not keep him from trying, so, adopting his best stern look, staring down at the woman, Steve made sure that his voice did not leave any doubts about how he was ready to defend the city if they did not do as he said right in that moment, how he could not allow a team of superheroes who seemed to have very little connection to the mission outside of their personal idea of gaining fame to endanger the city by being in the way of the rest of them. “Listen, kid—”

He did not get to finish the sentence, for the next moment, a loud scream from their left had caught both his and the woman’s attention, making both of them turn around. Steve was vaguely aware of how the woman raised her repulsors, but by then, it was already much too late. The rest of her team had seemingly lost control of the monster, for it tore directly into the building to their left, hitting the wall where the man who could fly had been only a second before, letting out a deafening roar that made the ground shake beneath them before it turned around.

The catastrophe that would follow almost seemed to happen so slowly that it felt like it was taunting him, rendering him able to watch and understand exactly what would happen, but still not leaving him with enough time to do more than feel how his heart dropped to rest in his stomach, his blood becoming cold as ice as the disaster unfolded in front of him.

For the monster attacked again, this time using the wall behind him to gain more momentum, with the concrete splitting as it pushed away from it, almost flying through the air towards the other woman. From the way the look of silent determination disappeared in a heartbeat to instead become replacing by pure, blind panic, Steve could see that she already knew that she was doomed.

In that moment, although he knew that the man was several hundred miles away, Steve could not help but think of Tony, and the way he always seemed to have done the math beforehand, to have turned their chances, their abilities, knowledge, and weapons into numbers until he was left with a piece of paper that told him exactly what their chances of survival were. However, Steve would not have needed any of that, any of the fireworks Tony liked to surround himself with to tell how the girl was doomed. There was no way out, and while he did of course want to save her, would have done something if he had been able to, part of him could not help but feel that they had done this to themselves the moment they had decided to use the jet to fly over to the city and try to face the monster themselves.

But the moment before he would have closed his eyes, not wanting to watch what exactly would happen the moment the monster would make contact with a human body, Steve felt something brush past him, the gust of wind that followed it almost knocking him off the car. The shock was enough for him to forget about how the sight of what was left of the girl after the attack was not one he wanted to see, and so, he turned his head, blinking the dust that filled the air away, to look at where she was standing.

She was not there anymore. The realisation hit two times, first as he looked towards where the girl should have been only fractions of a second away from meeting her end, and as he tried to gauge the reaction of the woman standing next to him, only to realise that she had disappeared as well. No, not disappeared, Steve discovered as he quickly looked back to where the monster was still flying through the air, having clenched both of his fists, holding them up in front of him as he roared, the vibration of the ground beneath him telling him how there right now was nothing left but the pure sensation of thirst for blood, and saw how the woman had seemingly been able to reach her teammate in time, pushing her out of the way so that, rather than dying, she had simply been thrown into the rubble that covered almost the entire street, the two of them making a little cloud of dust appear around them as they once more disturbed the fragile balance of the street.

Steve could see how the girl who had almost died coughed, no doubt to try to get the dust out of her lungs again, the other having already pushed herself back up, no doubt thanks to her speed and agility.

Right then, Steve would almost have admitted that, while he would still not hesitate to teach them how they could not just expect to be able to come here and try to steal their spotlight, it was a relief to see that they had at least not died, but the next second, his relief had turned to horror.

For, rather than stopping or hitting a car, the monster continued on its path, and now that he was not distracted by anything else, Steve could see how it would hit the high-rise in front of them in just a moment.

There was barely enough time for Steve to let out a desperate scream, not knowing whether he was hoping for Natasha and Clint to come to help him, or if he right then would even have been able to ignore the insulting orders that would no doubt follow if Rhodes was to get involved, for him to take a step forwards, already knowing that he was powerless to do anything.

And then the monster made contact with the building.

Steve could see how it continued through the glass wall, into the entrance hall, rubble and dust flying around it as the monster simply continued directly through walls, beams, metal, cement, and glass like it was air. He could not even see how deep the hole in the building was in the end, the destruction obscuring his vision, but from the sound of something heavy hitting the ground, he could tell how there had finally been something strong enough to stop the monster in its path. Still, as he took in the sheer scale of the damages and the way he had seen how people had still been in the process of seeking shelter when he had first arrived, hiding behind every little desk, column, and wall they could find, Steve already knew that people had died.

Behind him, he could hear the leader of the group whisper something in Russian, the sheer pain present in her voice translating the horrified exclamation better than any human might ever have done, but right in that moment, he could not have cared less about how sorry they might be for what had just happened. Fact was that people had died and he would make sure that those responsible would pay.

So while Steve might once have been swayed by how the leader of the team cried, standing in the rubble with her teammate still lying next to her, the sheer shock on her face almost making Steve doubt that she had truly realised what had happened, what she and her team had done, as Steve walked over to her, he knew that the look on his face could only have been described as ‘murderous’, and for once, there was no part of him that wanted him to change it, wanted to see if he could perhaps make the other see reason. This was about justice, and he would make sure that these people who had seemingly decided to risk the lives of others to get a chance to play superheroes would know the meaning of it.

“You,” he sneered, taking another step towards her and feeling a vicious sense of glee he had thought he had left behind him when he had become Captain America, someone who did not need to let Peggy or Bucky punch the bullies, spread through his body, as she took a step away from him in response, the fear shining through the pain on her face for a split second as he continued, letting the anger fill his voice, “this is your fault!”

She shook her head, but from how her gaze was still fixed on the high-rise, Steve could see how it was not meant as a response. “No… I,” she wiped the tears away from her eyes, but he could still see how they had left a clean path down her cheeks, having taken some of the dust and dirt along with it, “we only mean to help, this was not what we had expected…”

But right then, intentions did not matter, Steve knew that without even having to picture the dead bodies the ambulances would no doubt try to bring to the hospital hoping that there might be even the faintest shadow of life left in them. He knew that if this team had simply stayed out of it, had allowed them to do their work without trying to steal the moment to gain a moment of fame, he would now be sitting in the Quinjet with the rest of his team, and that, by tomorrow, he would be back as the team leader, would have been able to once more carry the title that rightfully belonged to him.

Taking another step towards her, Steve let every last part of his being, everything from the way he stood to how he made sure to let the shield reflect the sunlight, tell her that he was not some kind of dancing monkey, someone she could see on television and idolise, making her then decide to level a city in her attempt to copy him. “I came here to restrain a person whose crimes were that he had been too proud and too self-confident and had unwillingly placed a lot of people in danger,” Steve began, deciding that they did not need to hear how he was quite sure he had also caught something about the guy having got repeated warnings from the government to stop his experiments somewhere between all the mentions of how they had to act according to the red tape, “but now I am here to show the world how you cannot just ignore borders to go and pretend to be a hero.”

Raising the shield, he saw how the last bit of worship seemed to disappear from the woman’s eyes, but although he could see how the other three members of the team were slowly beginning to stand back up, leaving the fourth to lie in the rubble, how those three people currently consisted of someone who could fly and two people whose powers he did not know, Steve was not afraid. He had justice on his side, and as long as he believed that those who acted in the name of justice would always win, he had nothing to fear.

But he did not get a chance to show these people what a real hero did when criminals attacked the city, for the next moment, Rhodes appeared at his side, the War Machine armour and the way it, even when it shielded Rhodes’ face, making it so that they could only imagine his expression, still allowed his anger to shine through, making Steve almost take a step back before he remembered that, despite the betrayals that had been between them in the past, the way Rhodes had sided with the government when it tried to control them, they would still stand next to each other and against these people who had decided to treat Chicago as some kind of personal playground, a place where they could do whatever they wanted, causing as much damage and letting the fight cost as many lives as they wanted to without ever having to suffer any repercussions. He could not wait to show them how that was not the case, that just because they tried to make him sympathise with him by claiming that he was their hero when none of their actions reflected that, it would not be enough to save them.

However, the moment he raised the shield, already aiming at the woman who had reminded him so much of Peggy at first, Rhodes was there, and where he had stood next to him only moments before, he was now standing in front of him, having placed his hand on top of the shield, placing just so much pressure onto it that Steve knew what he meant, how he was telling him no. Had it not been for how he would not show any signs of weakness, would not allow the woman and her friends to see how much he was struggling to make the government and his fellow Avengers see reason, Steve would have argued with him, but given the circumstances, he settled for simply making a mental note of it, storing the piece of information for the day when he would finally be able to know that the world had returned to a sense of normalcy again, that he was back to being the leader of the Avengers again rather than some kind of glorified dancing monkey who was only there to do as the government told him to.

Perhaps seeing how he resigned himself to staying quiet for the time being, Rhodes let go of his shield to turn around to face the other team again. “Stand down. All of you.”

Steve did not miss how those last words seemed aimed at him rather than the group in front of them, but the familiar weight of Natasha placing her hand on his shoulder kept him from protesting.

“Just calm down,” she whispered to him, keeping her voice so low that even Steve could barely hear it, “War Machine knows what he is doing. He has the situation under control.”

Part of him wanted to ask her how she could think that any of this, the wreckage of the cars, the debris that decorated the street as some kind of macabre confetti, and all the corpses he knew they would find inside the building right behind them, could ever be described as knowing what they were doing, but Steve knew that she was only trying to protect him from the Accords Council and how they would no doubt try their best to twist the situation, finding a way to somehow make it his fault, so he decided to give in, allowing himself to simply watch the situation in front of him.

For a moment, it seemed unclear whether the team would actually obey the order, the four of them all glancing towards the woman, but then she slowly lowered her repulsors, letting them hang by her side, with the rest of the group following suit soon after.

“Good,” Rhodes said, and was it not for how Steve knew that the moment he had first opened his mouth to object to the almost kind tone he was using while talking to these criminals, he would not be able to stop himself until he had also told Rhodes exactly what he thought about the new leadership, giving him exactly the kind of ammunition to use against him he could tell the Accords Council had been looking for ever since he had first come back, he would have stepped up next to him and let the group know exactly what he thought of them, how they now had the lives of everyone who had died due to their poor judgement on their conscience, but as he already knew how all the fancy speeches about how the Accords Council judged everyone fairly were only a way for them to distract the public from the fact that that was very much not the case, Steve stayed quiet, instead allowing Rhodes to continue, “then come with us. We have to figure out what to do now.”

In the background, Steve could hear the hollow sound of how another piece of the building the monster had torn through came loose, a piece of the glass wall falling down after the destroyed walls were no longer able to support it, shattering against the ground upon impact, and even as he could hear Clint’s voice in his ear, asking for Rhodes and clarification about the mission rather than calling for him and attempting to figure out what had happened, if Steve was all right even after having been so close to standing in the path of the rampage, Steve could not feel anything but a sense of loss, almost like something had disappeared from his chest, something irreplaceable. He had gone on the mission already knowing how it was only a matter of time before he would be able to sit down at the end of the table at meetings again, with the government people finally far away from the Avengers Compound again, already picturing how the team would slowly begin to realise their mistake and apologise, but now, as he looked at the way the five people in front of him were looking down at the ground while Rhodes closed his helmet again, already trying to organise for some kind of rescue mission to take place to attempt to clear the rubble away and search for survivors, Steve could feel how that picture slowly slipped away from him, moving out of his grip.

Everything felt heavy, almost like the act of reaching up to press the button to activate the little communication unit would be too much, but in the end, Steve managed to do it, barely able to hide how the only thing he wanted to do right now was to go home to try to figure out what they could do now that the mission had become such a failure as he hoped that Rhodes would not comment on his reluctance to use their superhero identities. “Clint, I—” the words were caught in his throat, but he forced them out nevertheless. He had not become Captain America just to become the helpless, little Steve he had been back in Brooklyn, the one who had always had to be saved by Bucky, “I think it is time for us to go home. Don’t worry, Rhodes has apprehended those who caused the chaos.” ignoring how Clint instantly asked Rhodes to confirm his words, Steve switched off the communications unit. The Accords Council would simply have to get used to it. Right then, there was no force on Earth that would have been strong enough to force him to stay in contact with the man who had willingly used such a kind tone with those who had just caused the situation to escalate, leading to how there were now no doubt several casualties.

Although Steve had not meant to speak so loudly that the group would be able to hear him, from the way the leader looked up, a strange kind of fire burning in her eyes, he could tell that she had heard him. Normally, Steve would not have had any problem with maintaining eye contact, stepping in front of Natasha to show them that if they dared to make even the slightest attack, he would not hesitate to do everything necessary to protect his friends, but right in that moment, he could not help but feel like she was able to see past the outer layer, to see past the muscles and height the serum had added, until she reached his core, the little, bullied kid from Brooklyn who had just wanted to stand up to those who were bigger than him, had just wanted to make the world a bit safer for the little guy. He was not sure how to feel about it, how he was supposed to interpret the way her expression, the guilt still etched into the lines around her mouth, the tears that streamed down her face, changed a little, the difference only visible to him because he had found himself unable to tear his gaze away, and so, in the end, Steve admitted defeat and looked down at the ground. However, he had still not done it quickly enough to not see how the realisation made her eyes widen, but in that moment, Steve did not want to think about what it had meant, and so, he forced the thoughts away, for once grateful for how Rhodes turned around to order him and Natasha to head back to the Quinjet with Clint.

+++

If Steve had expected for there to be any sort of fanfare when they returned home to the Compound, exhausted, covered in dust, and, in Clint’s case, with a painful looking cut running from the temple down towards the cheekbone, he would have been disappointed. For the only thing that was there was the usual mountain of paperwork the Accords Council seemed to have insisted that everyone would be forced to complete after every mission.

Really, as Steve picked it up, glancing at the first couple of pages, he could not help but wonder how he could ever have let it come to this, how they could have reached a point where they would find themselves forced to go over the missions after having returned home no matter whether or not the mission had been a success. For while Steve could perhaps admit that there were times where it would have nice to have an idea of what they could have improved, fact was, that right then, he knew it would only make things worse to have to go through the papers and try to answer all the questions about their own efforts, what they could have done better.

The last part was almost an insult, implying that they did not already do their very best each time they were sent out to help the world, and so, Steve simply stood up from the table, quickly realising how none of the team members got up as well to follow him. He had expected that from Rhodes with how he always seemed to side with Tony and the government, but the fact that Natasha only shot him a short glance before looking over at Clint, sending him a tiny shake of the head, was a surprise.

But if they were too scared of the government to do the right thing, then Steve supposed that it would be their own problem, so he did not wait for them as he walked back out into the common room, ignoring how Jessica Jones sent him an angry glare as he sat down in the other end of the couch. She had no idea what he had just been through; none of them could ever hope to understand him.

In that moment, Steve could not remember having ever felt so alone. Even when he had been a kid in Brooklyn, small and bullied by those around him, he had always had Bucky at his side, someone who was willing to defend him, someone who, while he did not hesitate to tease him about his opinions, would ultimately be there for him no matter what. But, of course, he had lost him, had been forced to watch as even the muscles and strength of Captain America had proved not to be enough to save Bucky now that their roles had changed, now that Steve was the strongest of them. And although he knew that he had technically managed to find Bucky again, he was still so far away, having been left behind in Wakanda to try to find a way to free his brain of the influence of the trigger words that Steve might as well never have found him again at all. And now it seemed that the Accords were finally about to succeed in robbing him of the fragile family he had created after having found himself in the future, making the Avengers become some kind of government agency rather than simply being part of the people, trying to protect those around them. How Tony, Tony with all his talk about how he had never had a real family growing up, Tony who seemed to crave friends and closeness more than any of them, could have let it happen, could have decided to not even simply stand by and watch, but to help the government, was beyond Steve. Once, he would have thought that, underneath the ego, the narcissism, and the need to always be the hero, Tony was a bit like him, but now, he could see how he had been wrong. The stack of paperwork he had left behind was only a tiny part of the proof of that.

And the mission… even when he closed his eyes, Steve could still remember what it had felt like to watch the disaster unfold around him, to know the exact moment where none of them would have been able to stop what was about to happen, instead being forced to watch as the monster missed its mark, hitting the building instead. That would never have happened if Steve had still been the leader of the Avengers, he knew that, knew how he would have made sure that someone would have come to apprehend the other team the moment they had first spotted them, keeping them from being able to interfere in things they knew nothing about, instead of ordering him to stand down. But now, Steve could only hope that Tony might one day wake up and realise how he had made mistake after mistake before any more people would have to lose their lives as a consequence of his actions.

It was almost like the universe had known how he had been thinking of Tony, for Steve did not get a chance to fully try to process what had just happened, before the door swung open, allowing Tony to step into the common room, dressed, as he usually was, to make sure that all eyes in the room would automatically land on him.

Pushing himself up from the couch, Steve had already halfway collected his thoughts enough to tell Tony how this mission, the fact that the red tape the government had placed around them had kept him from being able to act, should surely have been enough to let him see the error of his ways, but Tony did not give him the chance to say anything before he had unfolded a piece of paper, the tone of his voice silencing Steve in an instant as his voice filled the room.

“I just received a message from the Accords Council. They have already got people in the area, trying to clear out the rubble and search for any survivors inside the attacked building.” it almost seemed like the harsh glare was directed at him, and Steve supposed that it should be a testament to how he, despite being all too aware of the man’s faults, still had enough faith in Tony that he knew how it was simply the result of being too busy with the Accords and how the Accords Council did not seem satisfied with anything they did. “I have already informed Miss Romanoff and Mr. Barton about the current state of the rescue efforts, but given how you seemingly did not need much time to finish the paperwork, I thought it would be wisest to go here to make sure that you would also be aware of the current situation—”

“Did they find any survivors?” Steve asked, inwardly rolling his eyes at how Tony even now did not seem to be able to let go of how Steve was able to evaluate his own performance without the help of some guy in a suit who seemed to like turning human lives, blood, destruction, and chaos into numbers a little too much.

Sending him a long look, Tony finally nodded, the tiny gesture making some of the hollowness in Steve’s chest disappear at last. “Yes. The attack was thankfully not enough to cause a total collapse of the building, so although it will take quite a while before we will be able to have reached every room in the building, at least we have managed to secure the building to keep it from collapsing in on itself, just as a Rhodey is currently helping the backup team with making sure that the man who took the serum is apprehended. We still have not figured out his real identity, but at least we know that we have him now so that we can simply wait for the effects of the serum to wear off.”

“And the other team?”

“You mean the group of self-proclaimed superheroes?” Tony lifted an eyebrow. “It would appear that they were not prepared for that kind of chaos or for people to die as a consequence of their interference, and it seems that it will take quite a while before we will be able to ask them about their reasons for trying to interfere, as they are not in a state right now where we will be able to trust their answers.” the sound of the door opening behind him made Tony turn around, Steve instantly following his line of sight to see how Natasha had entered the room as well.

However, where Steve would once have moved to the side to allow her to stand next to him, he could see from the way she moved to stand against the wall next to Tony that, even if he had tried, she would still not have accepted the gesture, have accepted how he wordlessly tried to communicate to her how he understood, that he could understand how she needed time, and how her reluctance to show the Accords Council that they were a family, a single unit, had been a response to the pain of seeing how the other team had just cost the lives of several people.

Natasha seemed tired, but still, there was an almost strange warmth in the tiny smile she sent, not in his direction, but rather towards Tony. “Hi, Tony,” she said, her voice not showing how they had been on a mission only a few hours earlier, “I hope I did not interrupt you.”

“You did indeed interrupt me, Miss Romanoff,” Tony answered, and Steve almost wanted to sigh and to tell him that he should be grateful for how Steve and his team were willing to move on from the betrayal the Accords had been, to try to trust him again, but Tony did not even give him a chance to open his mouth, instead continuing, “but now that you are here, I suppose you might as well listen to the results of your mission and the investigation that began the moment we first discovered the presence of the other team.”

Seeing how Natasha, rather than telling Tony how he had no right to talk to her like that, showing him that while they might perhaps give in to the Accords Council, they would not hesitate to show him how that was not a sign that he could gloat and pretend to have won, simply sent him a tired smile, a look of resignation making her look much older than she was, sent a chill down Steve’s spine. When had things changed so much, when had it become so that he could barely recognise his friends anymore? He had overlooked—no, not overlooked, he had willingly ignored them—the signs of the Accords, but how much had he missed in his attempts at pretending that Tony was a good man?

Tony did not give him the chance to find the answers to the question, as he simply glanced down at the piece of paper for a second before continuing. “Currently, the number of casualties are eight, but we are expecting for the actual number to be higher given how we have barely managed to reach more than a couple of the rooms in the building that was affected by the actions of the unknown group of people present at the scene, and thus, we still don’t know exactly what to do, especially since we still do not have their names.”

“We don’t know their names?” Steve repeated, the meaning of the words almost not making sense to him. How could they possibly not know what their names were, they had the people in question, it should be simple to ask them what their names were.

But Tony let out a sigh that clearly conveyed exactly how dumb he found the question. “No, we still haven’t been able to talk with them. They are still in shock. So far, the only thing we know is that they were a group of friends who had got together after they discovered that they all had some kind of powers, and that they decided to become superheroes. But so far, we haven’t even been to make them calm down enough to tell what their superhero names are. However, from our investigation so far, we know that they were alone, and that the plane they arrived in was a private jet.”

It was not until then that Steve even thought about the risk of how there might still be another secret organisation out in the world trying their best to kill people. Instantly, the sight of the computers in the HYDRA-base flashed in front of his eyes, his blood becoming ice as the idea that perhaps, despite everything they had done to ensure the safety of the world, a part of HYDRA might still have survived, might have been able to track down the team he had met in Chicago to recruit them, echoed in his mind. It would make an awful lot of sense, how they had been able to get a plane, for despite what Tony might have claimed, Steve did not believe that they would have been able to fund it themselves, how they had been able to get the information about the attack before the Avengers, why they would come there, clearly trying their best to make the real heroes look bad.

“Tony, we need to find them, we need to figure out who they are working for,” he began, feeling how the familiar sense of finally knowing what to do, of finally having a plan, made some of the panic that had otherwise filled him ever since he had first come back home disappear.

But Tony simply cocked his head, sending him a disbelieving glare. “ _We_ will not be doing anything, Rogers. Right now, the government is trying to figure out how to handle the situation, but we have done our part. If we try to interfere, we will only make everything worse.” shooting a quick glance back at Natasha, Tony began to back out of the room, moving over towards the door, maintaining eye contact with Steve through it all.

It was in that moment that Steve knew that he could not let Tony leave, could not just let him walk away like this, not until he had made him listen, had made him understand.

Rushing past Natasha, he quickly reached out to grab Tony’s arm, resisting the urge to shake him to attempt to make him see reason, to get him to wake up and realise that they could not trust a government that was trying to keep them apart. “Tony,” he said, taking a step closer, reducing the distance between them, “you know that the government doesn’t have the situation under control. You know that, if we don’t handle this, if we don’t show the world how people cannot just come here and begin to treat the city as some kind of place for them to become famous, then it will continue. We will continue to meet these kinds of people who do not care about anyone but themselves.” Steve tilted his head slightly, hoping that he perhaps could make Tony realise the truth by sheer willpower alone.

However, that was not what happened. Rather than nodding, the guilty look on his face revealing how he was finally starting to see how he had been about to tear the Avengers apart, Tony went pale. But even then, there was a surprising amount of strength behind the push as he reached up to tear Steve’s hand away from where it had rested on his arm only moments before, shoving him away from him as he took a step back.

“I would advise you not to attempt to touch someone who is clearly uncomfortable, Rogers,” Tony said, and while the tone might have been interpreted as polite by someone who did not know him, Steve could hear the threat that coated every word, “you are already in trouble for how you refused to listen to your team leader and for not staying to complete the obligatory paperwork for your mission, the paperwork, mind you, that shows the public how we are aware of the responsibility that comes with being an Avenger. If you do not want to risk your already unstable position as an active member of the Avengers, you should really not try to touch me again.”

Deciding to let the insulting tone pass by without a comment this one time, Steve rolled his eyes and held up his hands. “Better now?” he asked, letting the sarcasm in his voice show Tony exactly what he thought about his little demonstration of his power.

He had expected that it would be enough to remind Tony of the ridiculousness of his warning, but rather than looking down at the floor with a guilty expression, Tony’s face remained blank as he answered. “Somewhat. Though I must admit that I am still a bit disappointed that I even had to tell you in the first place. However,” he said, and oh, how Steve could have laughed at how quick he was to change the subject, clearly unwilling to recognise how childish his behaviour was, “your comment about this… well, let us just call it what it is, they were a group of self-proclaimed superheroes who really were just vigilantes with money and powers, did manage to catch my attention. So if you would please tell me what you think about them, then I promise that you will be able to keep me here for a little while longer without even having to resort to physically restraining me.”

From her place next to them, Steve could see Natasha trying to mouth something to him, the meaning of it becoming apparent as she shook her head at him. But while the Accords Council might finally have managed to bind the Black Widow, Steve knew that it would take more than empty threats from a man in a suit to make him forget about his morals, to make him forget about his promise to fight for the little guy.

So, making sure to stand up straight, letting his disappointment show on his face, Steve levelled a glare at Tony. “I think that they should never be allowed to go out into the world again. They went to Chicago despite how they should have known better than to try to interfere with a mission they knew nothing about in a place where they had nothing to do, ignoring borders in their attempt to get a chance to pretend to be heroes.”

For a moment, Tony was silent, and Steve could almost see how he slowly woke up, how it was only a question of time before he would nod and acknowledge how he had been wrong when he had sided with the government. And while he already knew that, if their positions had been reversed, Tony would have been petty, would forever use it against him, Steve would be ready to forgive him in an instant, simply happy to have him back at his side again.

But when Tony finally opened his mouth, it was not to apologise, not to tell him that he could now see how he had been wrong. Instead, Tony let out a laugh that sounded only halfway forced. “Wait,” Tony said, wiping a tear away from the corner of his eye, “do you really tell me that I just heard you condemn the actions of a group of individuals with what might be considered superpowers, that you are condemning the decision they made when they decided to interfere with a mission that did not concern them, ignoring borders and the local law in the process, and with their actions ultimately leading to the death of several people? Is that really what you are saying, or did I misunderstand something?”

“You know what I said, Tony,” Steve replied, unable to hide his annoyance. Why did Tony always do this, pretend that Steve had not made his opinions perfectly clear? This was exactly the same kind of manipulative tactics that had caused the divide between them in the first place, how Tony always tried to lie and hide the truth from him, only to try to turn it around, always trying to shift the blame over to Steve instead.

A look that might almost have been sadness made the harsh lines on Tony’s face soften a bit as he looked over at him. “Yeah,” he said, his voice dropping a bit until Steve had to be careful not to miss a word, “I suppose I did hear you. I guess I had just hoped that you had just a shred of self-awareness.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked, already knowing that, despite what he had been told, there was no point in going to the Accords Council with the insult, not when he knew that they would simply look over at Tony and believe every word he said, no matter how little sense it all made.

“Just…” Tony shook his head, “I thought that when you wanted to talk, you might finally have thought a little about… well, everything that has happened between us, but is seems that you still have not noticed what is going on around you.”

Biting back a sigh, Steve resisted the urge to tell Tony how he did not have time for yet another one of his little quizzes, not when he still had to figure out what he could do to send a message to the organisation that had sent the team. Steve should have known that this was what he would return home to when he had first got the message that they had officially been allowed to come home again, the government having finally realised how they had made a mistake when they had sent them away in the first place, but still, part of him could not help but feel disappointed in the world around him. He had risked his own life countless of times, and now this was how they decided to thank him, by first imprisoning his friends, then making it so that he had to flee from his own home like some sort of criminal, only to still stubbornly refuse to see how their red tape was keeping them from doing their work.

Perhaps he should have expected it, perhaps Steve had trusted the world too much, but he still found himself unable not to look at the way the Avengers operated now, all the forms they had to complete, how they had to spend hours reviewing each mission, and wonder how long he had been willing to overlook the signs of the disaster they were headed towards, how he should have made sure to remove Tony from his position of power the first time he had ever met him in the Helicarrier.

The act of trying not to let his frustrations show on his face, knowing full well that him taking a step towards Tony would only be doing exactly what the man wanted him to do, was almost more than what he had energy for, but somehow Steve managed to imitate Tony’s expression as he responded. “And what exactly do you mean by that?”

But as it always was, the moment Steve actually confronted him with his own faults, Tony never had an explanation ready, and he simply shook his head, a little shadow of a smile decorating his lips. “Oh, I think that if you cannot figure that out on your own, you will not be able to understand it if I tell you the answer.” and with that last insult, Tony turned around and left the room, the door closing behind him before Steve got the chance to stop him, to tell him that they were a team now, and that he would not tolerate that kind of tone.

So instead, he turned towards Natasha. “Do you know what that was all about?” he asked her.

Once, Steve knew that she would have told him the answer without hesitation, would have trusted him to know what to do with the information. Now, however, he could see how she questioned whether or not to tell him, how, even with her years of experience, she was still not quite able to hide the moment she arrived at the conclusion that she would not tell him.

He wanted to scream, to lie down and wait for him to wake up from this nightmare, for that was what this all had to be. What had happened to the world? Where was the honesty, where was the loyalty, where was the time where Steve had known whom to trust? What had happened to the days where he had trusted Natasha, where he had known that it would take more than a few months for her to break and to try to save herself by going back to the very same government, the very same former friends who had been so quick to abandon them and to betray them?

But now that he knew how Natasha had left him as well, her betrayal reaching even deeper than when he had been forced to realise how Tony had always only cared about his own image, Steve refused to seem weak in front of her, and so, he remained standing, carefully masking his emotions, until he felt like he was back on the stage again, being the dancing monkey who had to smile and seem strong.

“I think,” Natasha said, speaking so slowly that he almost wanted to yell at her to at least make it quick, “that you might want to think about why the leader of that team told you that you were her hero.” with that last piece of cryptic advice, she walked past him, not even slowing down for a minute to place a hand on his shoulder, to try to ask him if he was all right after having just seen a foreign team of self-proclaimed superheroes inadvertently cause death and destruction around them.

He almost wished that Tony had not specifically designed the Compound for there to not be any loud noises, for right then, it would have felt much more fitting if the door had slammed behind her, the sound echoing that of the friendship Steve could feel crumble between them as he finally reached a point where he was not sure if he would ever be able to forgive those who had abandoned him when he had needed them the most.

In the background, he could hear Jessica Jones snickering to herself, clearly not even trying to hide her delight. “Whoa,” she said, and Steve did not need to turn around to look at her to know that she was laughing at his misfortune, the sentences directed at him, “sucks to be you, huh?”

And while he should of course have turned around to remind her not to use such crude language, Steve could not help but agree with her. It really did suck to be him.


End file.
